OS Wars: Linux Vs Windows Vs OSX Vs Anyone that Cares

Ever wonder who’d win in a fight between OSX and <Insert OS Here>? No, me neither. Still, it hasn’t stopped countless idiots from making the somewhat bizarre assumption that Mac OSX is any secure (or even better) than any other OS out there.

You see, the argument generally seems to fall into several categories:

• X is more secure than Y because X uses unrelated feature from Z
• X is more secure than Z because X.. erm, never mind.
• X is better than Z because the applications are more polished and I can get translucent icons in cobalt blue
• X is better than Y because.. erm, never mind, but it’s more secure so I get the best of both worlds.

I’m reminded of a quote from the Simpsons, which Mad Mondo very kindly brought to my attention:

Homer: Not a bear in sight. The “Bear Patrol” must be working like a charm!
Lisa: That’s specious reasoning, Dad.
Homer: Thank you, dear.
Lisa: By your logic I could claim that this rock keeps tigers away.
Homer: Oh, how does it work?
Lisa: It doesn’t work.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Lisa: It’s just a stupid rock. But I don’t see any tigers around, do you?
Homer: Lisa, I want to buy your rock.

Please leave your sensibilities and green-blooded vulcan logic at the door. Welcome to the OSX versus Windows debate, where whichever side you’re on, you’re sat next to Homer Simpson.

You see at SnakeOil Labs the Mac is greatly loved. Be it a Quadra running A/UX, an 8600/250 running OS8 or NetBSD, or even OSX on x86. We love the glitz and glamour of the sparkly and shiny nuggets that plough through the Steve Jobs PR mincing machine. Maybe I just see spin for what it is, but there’ s something some of you need to know out there.

1. Macs are expensive.
There’s a reason why Macs cost so much. How many other PPC-based Mac Compatible machines do you see? Without the competition, Apple keeps control of the hardware platform in a way that even IBM couldn’t have dreamed of with the IBM PC. Of course, if you’ve got a PPC system – what else are you going to run on it? Even after you’ve bought into the proprietary hype, you’re going to pay way over the odds for extras such as Webcams, multi-button mice and basic upgrades. If you’re that desperate to get something that’s shiny and bright, then go for it. I’ll stick with my stack of Dells that I got for a fraction of the price. Incidentally, if you want to compare, check this out.

2. Macs don’t actually look that great.
Remember the Bondi Blue iMac? Didn’t it look great at the height of the dot-com age? How does it look now? Ok, fair enough, how about the G3 iBook? No? Ok. To be fair, how long do you expect to have a computer for these days? 3 years? 5 years? 10? The fact is that like the 1G iPod, your bright, shiny and expensive Mac is going to look out of date and old-fashioned in just as short a time as anything else. Still, give it another decade and it’ll be retro-cool!

3. Macs get hot.
Ever sat next to a G5 or even worse – a dual G5? What about the overheating G4 iBooks and Powerbooks? Yes, you too could get third degree burns from a laptop. This is why you don’t get G5 laptops. That and the fact that the heatsinks and fans would probably be far too big to be of any use.

Of course, I still look at the newer Macs longingly, I want to spend some time with one, but I’m not going to blow the money on it. The Mini comes close to what I’d be willing to spend on one, but I remain unconvinced, especially when my Xbox does everything I’d need to do from a living room system. Still, if Jobs and co were to read SnakeOil Labs, here’s what I’d want before I make the switch.

1. Two button laptop pad
You won’t catch me with a Dual G5 workstation, oh no. I want an iBook or a Powerbook. I don’t mind the one-button approach, but I’d want two buttons on my pad at least, preferably three, for all my select -> paste needs. Hmmmmm…

2. Themes
I want to skin my desktop up – it’s something I’ve had on ever OS since MUI on Workbench 3, or at least natively from Windows XP onwards.

3. Office compatibility
Ok, I know there are versions of Office for the Mac, but please can’t we all just get along? Why do I have to work with Mac users who use things like Keynote and send bizarre file formats around? Come on guys, at least let us use either Office or OpenOffice equivalents.

4. Killer Apps
I can get VLC, Firefox, Thunderbird and so on from their respective sites for any OS I use. Where are the exclusive killer apps? Garageband? Don’t make me laugh. iPhoto? Why not just use Picasa? iLife? OpenOffice. Show me the Microsoft Money!

5. Performance without a cost overhead
It’s not just the initial costs of the tin that make me uncomfortable, the costs of accessories and even what I would consider minor OS upgrades is a serious factor that puts me off. Drop the price a little, don’t gouge me for RAM that I actually need to run more than the absolute minimum and I might just do an Ellen feiss.

So when would I make the switch? I’ve switched before, owning no less than a Powerbook duo 280c, a Quadra, 4 8600/250s, 3 G3s and a 6100/60 but somehow I just can’t see me making the switch again. I always preferred the 68k Macs for reasons I can’t quite put into writing, but slowly over time they lost something along the way. When OSX comes to x86, I’ll probably give it a try. Until then…